So, I felt like I have had enough success in this sport to justify continuing with my career, but if I were truly honest, I would tell you my last (unpublished) blog post was my official retirement letter. I began running, because running was my escape from the heartbreak of reality. I was 85 lbs. with more self-hatred than most people could possibly comprehend and I was slow...I mean, really slow. I did not place in my age group in my first race, despite training for that Mifflinburg 5k. This knowledge about my lack of natural talent has left me with an unending hunger to run faster, but it has come at a cost. I have acquired a new found reality about the sport. I was not a D1 All American or National Champion that gave me never ending options after graduation. THAT’S OKAY! I still had my health and my running, so I was fine with whatever life threw at me. I had idols in the sport that left me so weak in the knees in their presence that I wanted to do whatever I could to get in their good graces. Then, those people became the (few) people who refused to be my friends on Facebook. I mean, with Facebook nowadays, if you want to feel truly terrible about yourself, have your idol refuse to be friends with you. This brings you to a downward spiral of confidence that makes you wonder how you ever put one foot in front of another in the first place. It makes you wonder if you belong here at all.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Fear is a disease. It can start off small...possibly so miniscule that it can go without detection. Then, just like any foreign, evil presence in your body, it feeds off of you and grows. Before you know it, fear can engulf you and change you. It can wreck your goals and dreams. It can paralyze even the strongest of people.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Someone had the audacity to tell me today that I would not be fit enough for a fall marathon. My typical response to stress or any obstacle is to get sad or withdrawn, but this just made me angry. What kind of runner just gives up on a goal before they even try? Need I remind this person that at this time last year I was hobbling around in the beginning stages of recovery for my broken ankle? How about the fact that on top of my broken ankle debacle, I had to basically take a month off of training in late June/early July, because I was anemic and dealing with other issues life threw my way. Somehow I still showed up in NYC (race or no race) ready to tear it up. I was fitter than ever, despite a horrendous spring. The analyst in me wants to yell at them for being so ignorant to the results of previous “comebacks” of mine, but more than that, I want to yell at them for being such a naysayer.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
The difficulty I have had when it comes to updating my blog about my injury is that my mind only wants to write while I am in training. I compose thoughts and paragraphs during tempo runs, aqua jogging sessions, and lazy afternoon core routines. I believe my writing process stems from my younger days as a dancer. I would choreograph in my head while dancing, work out a math problem that was bothering me, or think of ways to resolve some dispute that threatened my standings in the social hierarchy of middle school. My first aqua jogging session back after surgery was exhilarating for this reason. It was like someone turned my brain back on after six long weeks of hibernation. Luckily for anyone reading this post, most of my ideas fade away once I take the aqua belt off, but the satisfaction that can only come with an internal, intellectual debate remains.
So, where am I with my recovery? Let’s recap.
Friday, March 22, 2013
On a sleepless night during the holidays I was internet surfing and realized Facebook was recommending that I “friend” Kim Jones. Yes, I geek out when I find I have less than six degrees of separation from a world class runner, but I am not going to lie. I knew she was a phenomenal runner, but did not know the details of her career. Like most internet surfing sprees, this lead me to google her and learn about her accolades. After a few minutes and several articles read, I knew Kim Jones was going to be my newfound heroine.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Well, today was the day I have been looking forward to since my surgery (yes, that sentence sounds pathetic to me too.) I went to the doctor’s office in order to have my splint removed, wound checked, and leg cleaned. I was not sure if they would take the stitches out today, since it is only 8 days post-op. As it turns out, I did not have stitches holding my wound together, but staples! (Fig. 1) That helps explain the sensation I felt the past few days, because it was not necessarily what I would categorize as painful, but it was certainly uncomfortable. I knew it felt metallic!
|Fig. 1: Although there is some swelling and bruising, it's a lot better than some other pics I have seen 8 days post-op from peroneal tendon surgery!|
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
I have been overwhelmed with the number of people who have sent messages of support after hearing about my surgery! Anyone who thinks running is an individual sport does not fully appreciate what the running community has to offer. I feel like I am truly blessed with a second family.